Life does push us on though and I've found that sometimes it's a good thing. It seems (at least at the moment) that the old saying "time heals" is either not true or we all try to rush things faster than we should. I had this naive thought that I would already be "okay" and back to normal. I didn't want to accept the "stigma" of the thing it seems a lot of people tell you... "new normal." But it really is true. Our home is quieter and not so hectic, some days I wish for the challenges because i feel guilty not having to struggle as much anymore. I wish the guilt I feel would make some type of difference, but it doesn't and really, I am thankful that things are a little easier. Just wish it didn't "get easier" this way.
I've found it hard to be with family sometimes. They have their children, their families are whole, mine doesn't feel that way. It feels oddly out of place, like we are just visiting a strange place and we will get back to normal hopefully soon. In all actuality it is that way. We all are "just visiting." Having a perspective like that has helped us try to keep the spirituality that we were blessed with during the first month or so. I hope that in the future there are many days of happiness and less days of sorrow.
Joshua Jay Hansen
March 9 2005 ~ January 19 2009
Oh, how we love and miss our little boy
March 9 2005 ~ January 19 2009
Oh, how we love and miss our little boy
2 comments:
One day in Relief Society during a lesson on trials a good friend of mine said she wanted everyone to know that sometimes with certain trials (for instance her brother dying) it's o.k. that it's not o.k. for a long time. I agree. I can't imagine what you're going through because I know it's still hard for us. My kids talk about little Josh a lot...just today Kaden got into a 20 minute conversation about him with me out of the blue. He was a special guy and everyone that knew him misses him dearly. We were thinking of you on the 6 month mark but didn't know what to do...so sorry about that.
We love you so much and are still praying for you...even though you seem so strong we know it's so hard still. Please let us know if there's anything we can ever do for you!
What a cute little picture of Josh...we miss him and I can only TRY to imagine the emotions that you have been and are continually going through. I love you, Mindy, Steve, and Michael! Although you have times of lonliness, please know that we pray for you and your family and hope you can feel that support during those lonely times.
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