Things are being finalized more and more now. Josh's headstone will be here soon and his grave has been leveled out and is ready for sod. It's a strange feeling.

It's somewhat like the feeling when you are a kid and you're hoping your parents will let you do something, but in the back of your mind you know it's not going to happen. That false sense of hope pushes any other logical thoughts out and you hold on until the final verdict.

I guess I've held onto a hope that I'm going to wake up and none of this will have happened. No more "elephants in the room" when people talk to me or looks of, "what do I say to them." Just back to what was "normal." But, I know that's not what's going to happen. This is our new "normal." Making memories, but only with three not four.

It's been a strange trial and blessing to have Steve's cousin to share this with. Their family experienced this almost 3 months before we did when their daughter Kiersten Gemar passed away in her sleep from a seizure. Graig and Shellie have been such a blessing. They helped us so much especially that week up to the funeral, sending us text messages to help bolster us up and knowing that they are continuing on this journey of acceptance, sorrow, and joy... it's just nice to know there is company.

I guess what I've been trying to get out is swirled thoughts that may only make sense to myself. Hold your little ones close, give one more second of patience, one more hug before they get on the bus, allow yourself to view this life as just a piece of the eternal perspective. Enjoy the challenges, learn from the frustrations, find joy in this wonderful journey.