Most everyone knows that our little Joshua was needed elsewhere with our Father in Heaven. It's been a rocky road of peace and then frustration and then peace and then sometimes anger. We miss him so much! At the present moment I do so much miss holding him and hugging him, I miss his little voice that was just coming out. He worked so hard at speech therapy that in the last year it's been a tremendous joy to have him speak to us without so much pushing. I miss his high pitched scream, his laughter and fighting with Michael, I miss his singsong voice saying, "coming mom." I miss hearing Michael and Josh giggle when they were suppose to be asleep and so many other things. But that's not the purpose of my writing today. Today I wanted to share a poem by Corrie Tem Boom, a holocaust survivor. I heard it on a John Bytheway talk and it's helped bring a little "understanding" on rough days. Here it is:
My life is but a weaving
Between my God and me.
I do not choose the colors
He worketh steadily
Oft times He weaveth sorrow
And I in foolish pride,
Forget He sees the upper
And I the underside.
Not till the loom is silent
And the shuttles cease to fly
Will God unroll the canvas
And explain the reasons why
The dark threads are as needful
In the skillful weaver's hands
As the threads of gold and silver
In the pattern He has planned ~~
Isn't that the truth? We don't have to know or even understand every little thing that God is allowing or doing. We do need to know and understand that He loves us and that this life is only a moment. We so often speak of looking at things with an eternal perspective and sometimes it's a cliche` when we are having a rough time. But I KNOW that this life is but a moment and that the suffering, sorrow, etc. won't be forever. They may be painful, but how can we think or believe for that matter that the Lord doesn't know first hand how we feel. We are never the only one who knows our pain or for that matter our JOY ;) He has not and will not leave us to suffer alone, but we must be willing to allow His love and influence in our lives. Steve and I know that Josh is still part of our family and Michael knows that too. We know that we can be together as family eternally someday. It's not that we just want to get to be with Josh again, It's that we want our family together again. So for now we will take little steps forward and pray that our hearts and minds will stay softened to the will of the Lord.
